


Why me?

by parkshan820



Category: Captain America-All media types
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Angst, Depressed Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Heart broken, I'm Sorry, I'm a jerk, M/M, Omega Bucky Barnes, major angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:46:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9440996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkshan820/pseuds/parkshan820
Summary: Bucky Barnes loves children. When he was growing up he wanted three children. But then he sneaked into the war and became Sargent James Barnes and then he fell off a train and Hydra got him. After seventy years of being the Winter Soldier, Bucky was afraid but still wanted those three kids he dreamed of having.Steve Rogers has been Bucky's Alpha for has long has he can remember.  They were eighteen years old when they mated then everything happened and now finally had his mate back. Steve knew Bucky's dream of having three kids and maybe can convince him to have four.But then the couple found out that they could only have one but even thugh they were disappointed they could handle it. But when the child becomes three years old Hydra comes back and killed that child Bucky blames himself for it. Bucky falls into a dark place and can't seem to get out of it.Will the Avengers help? Or is it too late to save the Omega.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I am a major jerk but hey why not right? But we can ride this emotional roller coaster together.

Bucky smiles has Steve plays with the three year old boy. Bucky was disappointed to find out he couldn't have any more children but Brandon was amazing. He has Bucky's hair and grin and his awesome charm he says so himself and has Steve's blue eyes and can't tell a lie. He has Bucky's sharp jawline and Steve's cheekbones. Quite frankly, Brandon was going to be a very handsome man has he grows up and gets older. Brandon was curious about everything and wanted learn has much as possible. He was a smart kid and loves his mother. Steve usually walks into the main room finding Bucky and Brandon asleep and cuddling on the couch or watching a movie together. They would play around and Bucky woul hum a soft lluaby whenever Brandon got scared from a nightmare or a movie.

The rest of the Avengers thought it was adorable and Brandon loved all of his Aunt's and Uncle's. Bucky didn't care that he could only have one child, Brandon was amazing to him either way. Steve laughs has Brandon stares at his mother's metal arm with awe. Bucky usually lets Brandon play with his metal fingers but makes sure that he doesn't hurt himself. Brandon was now cuddling into his mother's side has the Avengers were having a movie day. Bucky was running his fingers through Brandon's hair and focusing on the movie. "Jesus those two are being disgustingly cute again." Ton says looking at Bucky and Brandon. Natasha smacks Tony's arm. "You will never know what's it like to have a child!" Natasha says and winks at Bucky and Bucky grins. 

"Good point." Tont says. Steve smiles at his family and kisses Bucky's temple. "I'm glad that I found you." Steve says quietly and Bucky smiles. "Me too." Bucky whispers. "Mommy? I'm hungry." Brandon says. Bucky sighs an stands up. "Come on lets go find something to eat. Are you guys hungry?" Bucky asks the group. The others nods and Bucky nods. "All right, I just cook dinner then." Bucky says and picks Brandon up and sets him onto Bucky's hip and walks into the kitchen. "Sweet! I love his cooking." Clint says. Everyone chuckles. Natasha smiles and stands up."Well iI'm going to see if he wants any help." Natasha says and streches and walks into the kitchen. Bucky was humming has he searched the cupboards. "What do you feel like today?" Bucky asks. Brandon thinks then smiles. "Aunt Tasha!" Brandon says when Natasha walks in. "You want Aunt Tasha for dinner? What?" Bucky says confused and turns to see Natasha. Natasha bursts out laughing and high fives Brandon. Bucky blushes. "That was great but I don't think I wll taste very good if you eat me." Natasha teases. 

This time Bucky rolled his eyes and Natasha walks over to the fridge. "What about chicken? I feel like that today." Natasha says. Brandon nods. "Alright chicken it is." Bucky says and raises an eyebrow when Natasha stares at him. "Can I help?" Natasha asks. "Of course." Bucky says and she smiles. 

After a delicious chicken dinner it was time for bed. Steve leans against the door way and smiles has Bucky tucks Brandon into bed. "Goodnight sweetheart." Bucky says. "Goodnight momma." Brandon says and Bucky kisses his forehead. Bucky stands up has Steve says goodnight to Brandon and they both turn the light off and close the door.

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It was about three in the morning when the alarms blared. Bucky jumps and aims his gun around the room. Bucky breathes out and lowers the gun. Steve jumps out of the bed. "Jarvis, what's going on?" Steve asks. "Hydra agents have breached the first level." Jarvis answers. Bucky heard a wail and he runs to Brandon's room. "Mommy!" The three year old wails and Bucky scoops Brandon up and into his arms. "Shhh it's okay baby. Sweet pea remember the safe room?" Bucky asks. Sharon Carter comes in. "I will take him." Sharon says. Bucky nods and lets her pick him up. "But I want to be with mommy." Brandon says. Bucky kisses Brandon's head. "I know sweetie but I will be back in twenty minutes top." Bucky says. Okay." Brandon says. 

"Good boy now go." Bucky says and they run off. Steve stands beside Bucky. "He will be okay I promise." Steve says. Bucky sighs. "I know it's just I don't want him to get hurt." Bucky says. "I know lets go." Steve says and they both run down the stairs. They hit the first wave of Hydra agents and Bucky lets his anger out on them for what they did to him for several years. Steve does the same only because of what they did to his Omega. Soon they took down the rest of the Hydra agents and they meet up with the Avengers. "Nice to see you Cap." Natasha says and kicks a man in the side and punches his throat and throws him to the ground. "We split up in pairs." Sam says and they just did that. Sam was with Steve, Clint was with Thor, Tony with Bruce, and Bucky with Natasha. 

Steve was fighting with Sam and they take their group down fast. Everybody finished. "Where is Natasha and Bucky?" Tony asks. "Simple, follow the bodies." Clint says and they run down the hall. They stop at the doorway where Natasha and Bucky was still fighting. They worked well as a team. Bucky catches the Agent's punch and flips him and stomps onto the agent's chest. Natasha kicks an agent in the balls and knees him in the face successfully breaking his nose. The rest of the Avengers watched has they finished the off. Just then more swarmed in and both Brock and Alexander walks in. "There is our Winter Soldier! Bring him to me." Alexander Piecre says and more attacked. Brock Rumlow also joined and was heading towards Bucky. 

Bucky snaps a agent's neck and use his body as a sheild when a agent shot at him. Bucky then throws the body and it knocks the agent onto his back. Tony shoots three of them with his laser blast and punches a agent and the agent went down. Clint uses his bow and puts it over a agent's neck and pulled, choking the man. Thor slams three of them with his hammer. Natasha wraps her legs around a agents neck flipping the agent onto his back and punches him. Bruce didn't turn into the hulk but was shooting them down with a rifle. Sam uses Redwing and kicks his leg out sweeping the agent's feet out and the agent falls onto his side and Sam kicks him in the face knocking the agent out. Steve throws his shield and knocks eight agents down and he punches three more down has he catches his shield. 

Bucky punches Brock finally starting the fight between the two. Brock ducks and grabs Bucky's shoulder and yanks his hand painfully behind his back. Bucky growls and kicks his foot back offically hitting his balls and throws his head back and breaking Brock's nose. Brock lets go and cries out in pain. Bucky was furious and grabs Brock's neck with his metal hand and lifts him. Brock chokes and kicks his legs hitting Bucky in the kneecap and Bucky stumbles. Brock throws Bucky and Bucky crashes into the wall but Bucky was quick and got back up quickly and ducks a punch Brock had thrown back and he punches Brock in the chest with his metal hand as hard he could. Brock flew across the room and crashes threw the wall. Bucky breath deeply and Brock climbs out slowly wincing. "Damn you have been training." Brock says and he runs for Bucky. 

Bucky was ready but then smene from behind pushes a syringe into Bucky's neck and injects a fluid into Bucky's neck. Bucky cries out and falls to his knees. Steve punches Brock and runs to Bucky. "ENOUGH!" Alexander yells and everyone stops. Alexander smirks. "Stand up." Alex orders. "No." Bucky snarls but his body reacts and stands. "What I just injected you with was a serum where you have all your memories and can feel but you can't control your body." Alexander says. "I heard you have a son. Your only child and you can't have any more. Should have been me but I can easily fix that." Alexander says and stands closer and a Hydra agent drags Sharon and Brandon into the room and sets them onto their knees. Steve rushes over but was stopped. 

Alex smirks. He hands a gun to Bucky. "Grab the gun." Alexander says. Bucky twitches and gasps and flinches clearly fighting it. "You can't fight it. Grab the god damn gun!" Alexander yells and Bucky's shaking hand grabs it. "Please." Bucky begs and whimpers. "Aim the gun at the boy." Brock orders this time. Bucky's shaking hand raises and aims. Bucky was clearly fighting it out of desperation. "Please don't make me do this. Take me just don't make me." Bucky says. Alxander laughs. "Sorry turn the safety off." Alexander says. Bucky cocks the gun. "Bucky fight this, you can do this." Steve says. The rest of the Avengers was talking to him. "Momma?" Brandon says. Bucky chokes on a sob. "It's okay momma, I understand." Brandon says. Tears roll down the Omega's cheeks. 

"How sad but you asked for it." Alexander says. Bucky was screaming at himself in his head. If only Bucky can fucking MOVE! "Please." Bucky begs letting his vulnerable side show. Anything to save his baby boy. His only child that he can have. Bucky can't have anymore. "And.... fire." Alexander says and Brandon closes his eyes. Bucky sobs and his hamd steadys and he screams even louder inside his head. 

Bucky pulls the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this was so hard to write. I am so sorry. I am such a jerk.

Bucky pulls the trigger.

Brandon's head snaps back and his body flew back and hit the floor. Alexander Pierce smirks and Brock Rumlow grabs the gun out of Bucky's hand. "Give Winter the antidote." Alexander says and Brock yet puts another syringe into Bucky's neck and Bucky had full control of his body again. Bucky falls to the ground beside Brandon. It was totally silent. "Time to go." Alexander says and all of the Hydra agents walks out. Bucky had drew a blank and he reaches towards Brandon but Bruce stops him. Bucky looks up and saw the total anger, betrayal, and the look they have when they look at him like a **Monster**. Natasha pulls Bruce out of the way and Bucky pulls his three year old son's dead body into his arms. 

Bucky's body was trembling and the first tear falls. Then two, no three more falls down. Bucky screams and holds the boys body to him and he wails loudly. Everyone looks down and Steve falls to his knees. Bucky screams again and the reporters comes in and films the scene. "Not my baby!" Bucky wails and he sobs. Bucky curls himself over the body and just keeps wailing and screaming. Tony sees them. "Get out of here! NOW!" Tony yells and aims his weapons at them. They run off quick. Bucky shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I tried I killed you. I-i am nothing but a killer." Bucky cries and grabs the pistol beside him and aims it at his own head. Everybody moves at once. "Bucky NO!" Steve shouts and moves Bucky's arm and it zooms past his head. Bucky screams but this time out of complete heart broken and misery. 

Steve pulls his Omega close and rocks them. "NO! No! Let me die please!" Bucky cries and screams again and Steve pulls him even closer. Bruce runs over and sedates Bucky and Bucky falls unconscious. Steve looks up at Bruce. "It will help." Bruce says. Steve nods. Steve picks up Bucky has Thor picks up Brandon. Steve brought Bucky to their room has Thor and the others go down to the medical room. Steve knew that Bucky was hurting so much worse since Brandon was so close to his mother and Hydra got to Bucky and now Bucky thinks he killed their son when really it was all Alexander Pierce. 

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The moment Bucky opened his eyes again there was no life in them. There was no sparkle or happiness. They were dull, has if they were dead. Bucky just stares and blinks. Steve walks into the kitchen. Nobody knew Bucky was a wake and thought tha the tramitized Omega was still asleep. "God, I see what they meant now." Tony says. Steve looks at him. "Rumlow said that they were going to hurt him so bad that he would never be saved. What's better than killing your own only child." Clint says. 

"God, Bucky is in a much worse state than I am because him and Brandon was so close." Steve says. Natasha hugs Steve. "Don't try to hide the pain from us." Natasha says and Steve squeezes back and cries has well. "Has you see losing a child can either make your marriage stronger or tear it apart." Pepper says. Steve breathes out. "Hopefully stronger, but we are going to have to help the Omega." Bruce says. Tony sat up. "Jarvis bring up the camera feed for James Barnes." Tony says and the video feed pops up. It showed Bucky laying on the bed facing away from the camera. "Please say you weren't watching us having sex." Steve says. Tony shakes his ead. "Ew no I installed it when Bucky became pregnant jesus." Tony says.

"Jarvis status. " Tony says. "Barnes is awake but has mentally broke down." Jarvis says. Bruce curses. "From now on we keep a video feed to make sure Bucky doesn't do anything." Tony says. "I'm going to him." Steve says and walks out. The rest of the Avengers sat down and watched. 

There was a knock on the door. "Bucky?" Steve asks and walks over to his side of the bed. "Baby? It's okay you tried to fight it. You fought it so hard and Brandon understood." Steve says. Bucky squeaks and slowly looks at Steve. "Don't say his name." Bucky whimpers and looks back at the wall. "Your hurting. I understand, all of us are. Don't beat yourself up, I still love you." Steve says. Bucky's body wracks with sobs and Bucky squeezes his eyes shut. Steve carefully lays a hand onto his Omega's shoulder and Bucky shots up and clings onto him. "How? How can you still love me." Bucky says. Steve hugs him. "Because you didn't kill him, Alexander Pierceand Brock Rumlow did." Steve says and Bucky cries. Steve rocked them back and fourth. "Why us Stevie? Why our baby." Bucky whimpers. "I don't know." Steve whispers and kisses Bucky's head. Bucky sniffles.

"We just wanted a family, I wanted a family and I can't have anymore kids. Why can't we live in peace." Bucky whimpers. Steve heart breaks. "I don't know why they can't leave us alone. But I promise you I will hunt them down and kill them for our son." Steve says and kisses Bucky. Bucky makes a noise and kisses back desperately. Bucky needs the pain to go away. Sadly Bucky's heat was due soon. Has if Steve read his mind he pulls away. "Are you due soon?" Steve asks. Bucky nods. "Five days at best. " Bucky says. Steve pulls Bucky closer. "I just want the pain to go away. " Bucky says and Steve pulls Bucky to his chest so Steve was the big spoon. "I know baby. Just get some sleep." Steve whispers and Bucky whimpers and still makes small pained noises while Bucky was a sleep.

After a couple of hours, Steve comes down and everyone was surprised to see Bucky. Bucky doesn't say a word and curls up onto the couch. Steve smiles and kissez Bucky's head. "I love you." Steve says. Bucky stares out of the window. "I love you too." Bucky says has Steve sits down and Bucky curls up aganst him. Natasha walks in and sees the heart broken look in his face and she was all of a sudden on the verge of tears. Natasha grabs Bucky's hand and they just sit there. Bucky doesn't notice the tear that rolls down his cheek. Steve wipes it away with his thumb and Bucky buries his face into Steve's neck and just stays there.


	3. Chapter 3

Nobody was allowed to go into Brandon's room. Steve and Bucky closes the door and makes sure that no one enters it. The avengers have noticed that Bucky keps his eyes to the ground when he passes Brandon's room. Bucky just doesn't talk much, eat much, and never goes outside anymore. Everyone was worried and Steve was throwing himself into work and just doesn't talk to Bucky. "Where's Steve?" Bucky asks one day. Natasha sighs. "Steve is on a mission and won't be back until the end of the week. Didn't Steve tell you? He said he told you." Natasha says. Bucky shakes his head no. "He didn't tell me. But I guess I deserve it. I'm going to bed." Bucky says. Natasha frowns. Bruce sits up and Tony frowns. 

"Steve lied to us. Does Steve even know that he is making Bucky feeling worse about himself. Not cool." Tony says. "I'm going to check on him." Natasha says and Bruce stands up. "I'm coming with you says Bruce. "Me too." Tony says and hops up from the couch. Natasha nods and walks towards Bucky's bedroom. "Wait, Jarvis pull up a visual on Bucky Barnes?" Tony orders. "Of course sir." The Al says and a video feed shows up. It shows Bucky pacing but then freeze picks up a photo frame. Bucky sits down onto the bed and just bursts into tears and hugging the photo frame to his chest. Bucky curls up and just wails. 

The three avengers runs to his bedroom. Natasha knocks softly on the door. Bucky just wails louder and it sounded like Bucky was even more in pain. Natasha opens the door and whines softly while curling up to the depressed Omega. Natasha puts Bucky's head into her lap and runs her fingers through his long soft brown hair. Bucky quiets down but his body was still wracking with sobs. Tony was also an Omega and it hurted to see another Omega hurting. Tony curls up beside him and hums a soft lullaby. Tony doesn't pick the one that Bucky used to hum to Brandon. Bruce gets a glass of water. Bruce walks up and kneels beside Bucky. "Drink some water. Small sips." Bruce says and holds the glass to Bucky's lips. Bucky drinks a little bit at a time until the glass is empty. 

"May I see?" Bruce asks softly. Bucky holds out the picture with shaking hands. Bruce grabs it and looks at he photo. It shows Bucky smiling with Brandon in his arms when he had just given birth to him. Steve was beside of them looking in love and proud of his Omega and child. Bruce smiles. Bucky was laying in the hospital bed all covered in sweat but Bucky looked so happy. Bruce smiles and hands it back. "The picture is beautiful. " Bruce whispers. Bucky smiles weakly and sits up. "I'm sorry I am acting like a baby." Bucky mutters. "No your grieving. It has been a month since you and Steve lost your child." Natasha says. 

Bucky looks at her. "Do you think Steve will ever forgive me?" Bucky whimpers and another tear falls down his cheek. "Yes. You know why? Because Steve loves you so much." Tony says. Bucky nods and yawns. "Get some sleep Buck. You need it." Bruce says and both Tony and Bruce gives Bucky some space to move. Bucky opens and closes his eyes softly. Just then Bucky closes his eyes and drifts off to a endless dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve returns exhausted from the mission and walks into the bedroom. "Why didn't you tell me that you were on a mission? I was so scared that you weren't coming back!" Bucky says annoyed. Steve sigs. "Because you were grieving." Steve says. "Yes and so are you. You lost a son too. Throwing yourself into work is reckless and you are going to get yourself killed." Bucky says. "And like you haven't done that enough." Steve snaps. Bucky stares at him in shocked. Steve storms off. Bucky glares and follows him. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Bucky asks. 

"Nothing Bucky." Steve says. Sam and Natasha comes in and stops. "Oh really? Like hell. Punk tell me what is that supposed to mean?" Bucky says in a stern tone. Steve snaps. "You killed Brandon! You gave birth to him and I only had three years with him and you killed him! I can't help but hate you for that!" Steve yells. Bucky nods. "Fine I get it. You don't love me anymore. It doesn't bother me, I just hope that you had a good feeling about breaking down and I won't be there for you." Bucky says and grabs his jacket and leaves. Bucky slams the door behind him. "That is not what I meant Bucky!" Steve shouted. Sam sighs. "Dude, what is wrong with you? You are leaving Bucky behind by going onto missions and not telling him is making it worse." Natasha says. Steve growls. "I don't care. I'm grieving too." Steve says.

"I understand that. But the best way to grieve is to grieve together. Like a real married couple do." Sam says. Steve sighs. "I fucked up again." Steve says. Natasha and Sam nods. "Good luck." Sam says. Steve nods and grabs his jaclet. Steve knows a couple of places where Bucky goes when he is really upset. 

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Bucky cries has he walks through the streets. Bucky feels so lost and now to know that Steve actually hates him shatters Bucky's heart. If only Bucky could fight against that damn hydra thing in his head. Bucky was so happy with Brandon but yet he is always hurting but killing your own three year old child, why didn't they let him shoot himself in the head. It would save him from all of this misery. Bucky was lost in this world and now his mind was more confused now. He needs someone to help him get back onto the ground. Make him more at peace, happiness, and relaxed. Bucky will have the hardest time to get by this. 

Bucky really hoped that Steve would be by his side but now Steve just hates him. "Bucky! Oh thank god I found you!" Steve yells and runs towards Bucky. "What do you want!" Bucky shouts at him. Steve sighs. "I'm sorry. I just got angry." Steve says calmly. "You got angry! I am fucking furious at myself. I couldn't fucking stop it. And because I can't get this sadness out of me. What type of a mother kills his own son." Bucky says bursting into tears. "And you are never there! I need you and you aren't there." Bucky whimpers. Steve feels so guilty because through it all, Natasha and Sam were _right_. 

"I'm sorry. But I'm here now. I will never leave you again. Remember, I am with you till the end of the line. That is a promise I made to you." Steve says. Bucky cries and hidesninto Steve's chest and Steve wraps his arms around Bucky. "Come on lets go home." Steve says and leads Bucky towards the Avenger Tower. 

It was the next morning when the news have finally picked up on the major news between Alpha Steve Rogers and Omega Bucky Barnes. Tony puts it on and the team watches it. 

_CAPTAIN AMERICA AND WINTER SOLDIER IN TROUBLE!_

**Three months ago we have recieved news abut Hydra attacking the Avenger Towers and showing footage of what is happening so far.**

_It shows Brock Rumlow and Alexander Pierce and a hooded dark figure holding a gun up and firing the gun. Bucky whimpers has Steve pulls Bucky closer to his body. But then it shows Bucky crawling over and holding a body of a boy to his body and sobbing._

**It shows here of sad horrible news that Hydra had shot and killed Brandon Rogers. The son of Alpha Steve Rogers, or has known as Captain America, and Omega Bucky Barnes. Brandon Rogers was only three years old and that Brock Rumlow and Alexander Pierce has yet to keep trying to recapture their "Winter Soldier" when really it is only Bucky Barnes now. Why has Hydra keep on trying to hurt Bucky Barnes in the worst ways we will never know. We will be back with more updates soon.**

Bucky whimpers again. "Turn it off." Bucky says with his voice small. Tony does just that. Both Steve and Bucky cling onto each other trying not to cry. The other avengers don't know what to do. How can they help them?


End file.
